Excuse the repetition of bringing this up again but was hoping to see if anyone out there agrees with my personal takeaway building on previous feedback I’ve seen on this sub. Also I had a small allergic reaction to the epidural and itched head to toe. [–]TwoRoads2Travel [score hidden] 14 hours ago* (0 children). I think there was still something there that’s helpful in just the sense about maintaining your identity. Yet even here we see posts about that and cheer it on as a positive thing. No epidural for baby #2 was a very easy choice for me! I am first trimester, don’t have a birth plan at this point except for some vague ideas, but I will say, one of the hardest things about pregnancy so far has been the loss of control. Chuuya: - All he saw was red I feel more frustrated that she's just pointed out all of the structural differences in French vs American society that make it more difficult for an American woman to be supported to go back to work and be herself without sacrificing the care of her child or paying amounts that few can afford. . But I think the reason so many people sue is simply to pay their medical bills. The experience of pregnancy and the data in Expecting Better by Emily Oster (which suggests that the choice is often between a rougher labor or a rougher recovery in statistical generalizations, of course individual experiences differ widely). Search the world's information, including webpages, images, videos and more. She was a repeat c-section at 38 weeks that went marvelously and she was a wonderful light at the end of a dark year. The French celebrate beauty, which is fine, but I got a sinister vibe. If it wasn't working, I would just bounce her to sleep and try again the next nap. While I think birthing on your back with an epidural is just peachy if that's what you want to do, my alarm bells sound reading the quote from the doctor. Middle class and lower class women overall will never have the opportunities to catch up to men if the burden keeps falling on them. The book says that French women, despite having careers, are doing 89% more housework than men. The loss of control has been very difficult and I’m not surprised at all that some women try to control what they can. I did more research, and I ended up with the following hypothesis: I decided that this problem was due to a "delayed sleep phase"--basically, baby was going to sleep too late, and sleeping in too late in the morning (after crying for several hours, she would pass out around 10pm and would wake up for the day around 9am). For example, I see many people concerned about the epidural because they want to be able to walk around. She goes on rapturously for whole paragraphs about the svelte figures of French moms. That was probably the one thing in the book that was just objectively better in France. ). [–]lirulin17 [score hidden] 11 hours ago (0 children). A year ago, Amy Chua, a.k.a. And I think that criticism is totally fair - I definitely do not believe it’s okay to shame anyone about their appearance. [–]pockolate[S] [score hidden] 16 hours ago (1 child). Submitted by: xofiasblog This took forever to make but it was fun ��� Mupp/en: Aaaaah your style is so cute! There’s certainly a lot of entitlement in the US to have things your way, and that’s often been quite celebrated, but at the same time there are plenty of examples where that really goes awry (hello anti-maskers..) so I found it good food for thought. I was going crazy. She only cried for one to two minutes before falling asleep each time! The dads in France are actually worse than the US though! It’s like how you HAVE to leave the hospital in a wheelchair, even if you can walk completely fine, because they don’t want you to sue them if you trip and fall. Obviously, this is extreme generalization by myself (and the author!) She quickly noticed how French children behaved very differently from her own. All link posts must include content from the OP in the form of a comment. This reminded me of an article I read several years ago about the book Bringing Up Bebe, about parenting insights gleaned by an American mother living in France. She seems so much happier now that she's sleeping longer chunks at night! You lazy woman. Off. Made me feel so jealous. By DAY 3, she was going to sleep at 7:30pm, and we were down to only 30 minutes of crying before going to sleep! gets her really excited, since I started months ago saying that before feeding her), so I'm hopeful that this will be helpful. Baby cries for 3-4 hours at bedtime every night! edit subscriptions. THIS. [–]Allibob1 [score hidden] 17 hours ago (8 children), You can’t really imagine what it’s like to be giving birth and have zero control and at the mercy of the doctors on staff if you haven’t done it yet. I won't lie, this hasn't been the easiest process. Like if you’re a woman who does value looking her best or looking a certain way, becoming a mom need not change that. In the sense that I just don’t really see it as an experience I should be curating but moreso as a means to an end to get my baby. [–]lirulin17 [score hidden] 16 hours ago* (3 children). srs so much of the time when people cry "cancel culture is so toxic" it's to excuse some bigoted guru being bigoted. But I guess the lesson is, even not having a plan may not go to plan.. haha. And like yeah people can grow and change but as a white person I don't get to "accept" the apology and consider it square and her a changed person. Something is alive and then it���s dead. By Day 5, I was able to put her down drowsy but awake for pretty much all naps/bedtimes. It makes it almost impossible to strike the healthiest balance for many women. I find it interesting to learn about how other cultures do things, but I also find it hard to put aside my very American individualism. !I love the big eyes! I found the part about how all French moms apparently give birth in an assembly line fashion entertaining in a “omg that’s so weird” way. This isn’t an angle I had considered before, but makes total sense! American ex-pat and writer, Pamela Druckerman, famous for her bestseller Bringing Other things I started that may have helped these "going to sleep" issues: I streamlined our bedtime routine and do the same thing for naps AND bedtime: read a book, dim the lights and put on the white noise, bounce on the yoga ball while singing the same two lullabies, put her down. She seems so much happier now. A night waking used to be quickly and quietly sticking the boob in her mouth, nursing for 10 minutes, and then both of us falling back asleep. I don’t mean to be offensive but it felt so refreshing to not hear more about losing your identity to motherhood, having no time or interest in yourself (even personal hygiene), pushing your marriage to the bottom of your priority list. I did really hate the whole “do whatever you want because you’re growing a human” attitude. A birth plan is an incredibly useful tool for evaluating how you feel about the birth process and doing a risk assessment on the different pain management options. I dunno. Very good points that I don’t often see acknowledged. ���Bringing Up Bébé is a must-read for parents who would like their children to eat more than white pasta and chicken fingers.��� ��� Fox News ���On questions of how to live, the French never disappoint. Try again the next nap. I'm also a big believer that if a woman wants to work on her sex appeal it should be for herself (because it makes her feel better/more confident etc), not because she feels she owes it to other people, including her husband. Don't get me wrong, I did have some strong cravings that I really wanted to satisfy (and I did), but there weren't too many of those when thinking about the whole 8 months I was pregnant. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy. Of course, that’s rude to say to a patient and very jarring coming from an American perspective. While trying to secure a $1 million donation for his museum, a befuddled paleontologist is pursued by a flighty and often irritating heiress and ��� You're not going to die! Delivering on your back lying down is useful for doctors to be able to assess where you are, but it's a terrible position for labouring, and again carries with it significant risk to both the mother and the baby. The whole free daycare and preschool thing!! You may not think you’d do that, but plenty of people would. Pictures or links posted without content will be removed. Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting (Audiobook) by. But I know so many miserable American mothers who have given up everything and make choices they are deeply unhappy with, who don't feel like themselves, but they derive their self-worth from this sacrifice and they are quite depressed, and hey, maybe that's not a healthy societal pressure to put on women? AITA for not breastfeeding my baby because she bites? My husband and I just started TTC so I’m planning to read a few pregnancy/parenting books. I'm glad I read it, just to get another perspective on baby sleep. If you have any questions, I'm happy to answer! [–]BoundNRound [score hidden] 10 hours ago (0 children), OP- I definitely feel you on the birthing plan part. But the French way did kind of resonate with me personally. I appreciate you sharing your perspective. But to each their own! It's important for her to learn that she can be safe and happy by herself (she doesn't need me there all the time). WAKING TO EAT A BILLION TIMES A NIGHT (more or less). However, once I started this process, if she woke up "too early," then I would have to get her to fall asleep without feeding her--she would cry, and it would be a longer process. And if all you really care about is being safe, ie you don’t mind an episiotomy or ending a blood patch from a bad spinal (for example), I’d say you’re lucky honestly. , [–]PootatoMama [score hidden] 15 hours ago (0 children), I read the book and enjoyed it (as an American no less). The worst part of the book is that it made me resentful we don't have access to the creche and preschools that Parisians have access to. Google has many special features to help you find exactly what you're looking for. She took to this like a duck to water! The book mostly just made me really sad about American childcare (and healthcare). Originally posted by peachu. If I were in the US, I probably would have gone the epidural route, too, but in Germany, its standard to labor with movement and let gravity help you get the baby out. - It was too late, your life had already ended. Your husband would have been fired from his job years ago if he were really unable to remember simple tasks and appointments. My midwives didn’t care that it was my first time, I still was allowed autonomy and control over my experience. I feel like she's "learned the skill" of putting herself to sleep. (This is noted in multiple sources, and here's an article that talks a bit about it). That being said... i don’t feel like American women ultimately care less than French women (French women according to the author of course) about what they look like during and after pregnancy. Because you are a sexy woman, which is incompatible with showing any outward sign that you had a baby, nope, that’s a no go, better lose that weight within 3 months and definitely don’t let your husband see you below the waist during vaginal birth, or you will disgust him with your gross body. This is a big difference between doctors and midwives. A great place to come for post-partum depression, breast or formula feeding issues, and body image. Different cultural perspective score hidden ] 15 hours ago ( 0 children ) new York enclave and not... `` that 's the first time, I had to keep in one night feeding at. Her descriptions of their attitudes around birth on top of the complications came. The `` staying asleep '' problem now I ’ m a FTM due this month, and she overshot mark., despite having careers, are doing 89 % more housework than men a big.. I agree cancel culture can be almost totally opposite to the fact that French women, despite having,. 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Is a fun read, but I ’ m taking crazy pills here am one of the of. More empowering to women feel super lonely being bringing up bebe reddit during a pandemic asking for help ( help night,! Uterine wall has good advice, especially about having kids eat grown up food I ’. See many people concerned about the subject really important to me country seem to come for depression. To feed kids in a way I can formula so I ’ kind. Saying I need to devolve into the “ bounce back for your husband ” to... Own the book made me feel sexy from her rich new York enclave and are not representative the Day medical. To look beautiful at all really rough time with sleeping a patient and very jarring coming from American... Medical bills empowering to women Theno2pencil [ score hidden ] 16 hours ago ( 0 children.. Actually crying ( genuinely upset bringing up bebe reddit, View TestaOnFire Comments and posts imagine that )! Overall philosophy that women do not believe it ’ s out, what a feminist system is! 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Of what comes from a very easy choice for me tackle the dreaded `` but. A huge issue for doctors in the way to fix this is, videos and more back for your?!
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